Child Anxiety and School Refusal: A Parent’s Guide (and When to See a Child Psychologist in Sydney)
It’s Monday morning in Randwick and your child clings to you, pleading not to go to school. Their stomach aches and tears well up.
School refusal due to anxiety can be distressing, but understanding the signs and knowing what to do can make a big difference.
Quick answers
- · School refusal involves persistent avoidance of school due to anxiety or distress, not simple reluctance.
- · Physical complaints like headaches or stomach aches often accompany the refusal.
- · Act quickly: reassure your child, liaise with school staff and seek professional help if the behaviour persists.
What is school refusal?
School refusal refers to a pattern of avoiding school due to intense fear or anxiety. Unlike occasional reluctance, it persists over days or weeks, causes significant distress and interferes with daily life. Children may plead, bargain or physically resist leaving home. They might complain of headaches, stomach aches or nausea without medical cause.
Common reasons and patterns
Anxiety about separation, social interactions, academic performance or bullying can trigger school refusal. Sometimes underlying conditions like generalised anxiety disorder, depression or trauma contribute. Major transitions such as starting school or moving can also play a role. Recognising these drivers helps you respond with empathy rather than frustration.
Mistakes to avoid
It’s tempting to keep your child at home until they feel better, but prolonged absences make returning harder. Likewise, dismissing their fears or forcing them without addressing the underlying anxiety can damage trust. Another common mistake is offering special treats at home, inadvertently making home more appealing than school.
Core principles of support
Stay calm and validate your child’s feelings. Let them know you understand they’re scared and that you’ll work together to find solutions. Keep a predictable morning routine and limit screen time at home so school remains the more engaging place. Talk to their teacher to create a graduated return plan and ask about quiet spaces or check in times. Early intervention helps prevent patterns from becoming entrenched.
This week’s support checklist
Use this checklist to guide your actions over the coming days.
- · Speak with your child about what worries them and listen without judgement.
- · Rule out medical causes with your GP if physical symptoms persist.
- · Inform the school and discuss strategies.
- · Create a morning routine that includes calming activities like deep breathing or stretching.
- · Limit screen time at home during school hours to make home less appealing.
- · Encourage short visits to school, such as attending a favourite class or meeting a supportive teacher.
When to seek extra support
If school refusal persists for more than a week, causes significant distress or is linked to trauma or mental health conditions, seek professional help. A child psychologist can assess underlying issues and develop a treatment plan, which may include cognitive behavioural therapy and gradual exposure. At Armchair Psychology we offer children’s therapy and child assessments to support your family.
Try saying…
- · “I can see you’re scared. Can you tell me what makes school feel hard today?”
- · “Let’s think of one thing you might enjoy at school and focus on that.”
- · “Would it help if we talk to your teacher about a quiet space to go if you feel overwhelmed?”
- · “We’re going to figure this out together, and you’ll feel better with support.”
FAQs
How can I tell if my child’s avoidance is serious?
If resistance lasts more than a few days, causes intense distress or affects daily functioning, it’s considered school refusal rather than ordinary reluctance.
Should I keep them home when they feel sick?
Rule out genuine illness with a doctor, but avoid long stays at home. Brief rests followed by returning to school help prevent reinforcement of avoidance.
How do I work with the school?
Inform teachers and the school counsellor about the situation. Collaborate on flexible attendance plans, safe spaces and gradual exposure strategies.
Will my child outgrow school refusal?
Some children improve as anxiety decreases, but professional support often shortens the duration and prevents academic or social setbacks.
When should we see a professional in Sydney?
Seek help if the behaviour persists, your child has other signs of anxiety or depression, or you feel overwhelmed. Our children’s therapy and child assessments services can guide you.
Facing school refusal is stressful, but you’re not alone. With patience, structure and professional guidance when needed, most children gradually return to school and regain confidence.
If you’re concerned about your child’s anxiety or school refusal, reach out through our children’s therapy or contact pages to learn how we can help.
You are not alone in this.
Understand child anxiety and school refusal, learn practical steps you take this week and know when to seek professional support.
